Beowulf Review

Some hours ago, I've returned from viewing "Beowulf", which also marked as my initial 3D viewing. It was great! Never before have I witnessed a movie like this. Not witnessed, experienced!

First things first, the movie is a must-see. The story is simple as it is archetypal: Hero slays monster. Hero becomes king. Hero commits hybris. Hero must face consequences. But how can it not be archetypal? The story is so old, it even inspired some guy Tolkien to write a short story called "The Lord of the Rings".

But you don't go to watch "Beowulf" for its story. You go because it is a magnificent technological and cinematic breakthrough: Fully shot in 3D, with 3D animation, projected either normally or in 3D, the movie features near-life digital actors and settings. It has an all star cast, featuring the, relatively unknown and underrated Ray Winstone, Anthony Hopkins, John Malkovic, Robin Wright Penn, Brendan Gleeson, Crispin Glover and, oh, a naked Angelina Jolie. The acting is more than decent, Winstone gives his Beowulf an aura similar to Gerard Butler's Leonidas, dominating with his presence and voice. Crispin Glover as Grendel is amazing and he is the most terrifying monster since a long time. He even speaks Old Anglo-Saxon or something, I am not sure.

Furthermore, if you watch it in 3D, like I did, you are in for a treat! It was amazing: Spears, swords and arrows looked like they came at me, people passed in front of me, flames, snow and rain moved in front of my eyes. And the best part of it is that it is fully coloured, not some green/red combination over a black and white film. This is REAL D, baby! :)

I won't spoil the film for you. It's not my style. I won't even write a summary - the internet has plenty of them. I just urge you to go and watch it, in Real D if possible. The movie shows one of the ways Hollywood will follow in the future.

What I want to comment though is, once more, the sad, bitter situation in Greece: "Beowulf" is rated PG-13 here in Greece. Very hard decision, since it features so many dissmemberments that I lost count. Rivers of blood fill the screen. Grendel is hideous/scary/disgusting. There are words (in the greek translation) like "cock", plenty sexual innuendos, Angelina Jolie, Ray Winstone and even Hopkins have near nude scenes. Now, explain to me: What.The.Fuck were all those 7-year, 8-year and 10-year olds doing in the movie theater?

• Distribution and rating companies rate it as an "animation movie", meaning: "Finding Nemo" was animation, "Beowulf" is animation, thus both movies are suitable for kids. Bollocks I say.
• Ticker counters gave a guy tickets for the 7 kids he was accompanying. The oldest of them could not be older than 12. Ask for some ID. Give them the option to watch "Ratatouille" or something. Even if the movie is OK for 13-year olds, those were NOT 13-year olds.
  
• Well, it is obvious that I am gonna bash the guy with the kids.Stupid guy, do a research about the movie and stop buying tickets for it, "just because the poster looks cool"! I was scared 2-3 times, really scared. Imagine how the kids felt.
• And now my favourite part: The kids. Once more, the lack of proper education and raising has shown its teeth. The audience was perhaps 45% children - in my opinion UNACCEPTABLE! Those kids were restless during the whole movie, expressed their impression about the 3D loudly, they whispered to each other and changed seats. 8-years old they might be, but ALL of them knew Angelina Jolie. (Fortunately, none expressed his impression about her, when she came naked out of the water)
• I could write about the guy who saw fit to crash a plastic bottle of water during the movie or that, when epic music was heard during an intense scene, a cellphone was heard, with "My dream/is to fly/over a rainbow/so high". It took me 30 minutes to get my self back to the movie's feeling. Oh, wait, I actually wrote about them!